1 00:00:07,291 --> 00:00:09,000 All ok? 2 00:00:09,625 --> 00:00:11,958 I think so. 3 00:00:13,083 --> 00:00:14,916 I'm not very good with technology. 4 00:00:23,208 --> 00:00:26,083 Can you just say some stuff there for the mic? 5 00:00:26,083 --> 00:00:28,041 Yeah, like? 6 00:00:28,041 --> 00:00:30,000 Like what? 7 00:00:30,500 --> 00:00:32,458 Tell me what you had for breakfast. 8 00:00:32,458 --> 00:00:34,791 I had Corn Flakes for breakfast. 9 00:00:34,791 --> 00:00:37,125 They were very nice. 10 00:00:38,541 --> 00:00:41,083 Is that how you're gonna be? 11 00:00:41,083 --> 00:00:42,791 Like, volume? 12 00:00:42,791 --> 00:00:44,500 - Yeah, I think so. - Yeah. Ok, grand. 13 00:00:44,791 --> 00:00:46,666 Is that okay? 14 00:00:47,125 --> 00:00:47,958 Yep. 15 00:00:49,583 --> 00:00:50,916 Ok... 16 00:00:51,416 --> 00:00:53,333 Interview with Louise 17 00:00:53,333 --> 00:00:55,250 Findlater Place 18 00:00:55,291 --> 00:00:57,416 24th of September 19 00:01:00,416 --> 00:01:01,666 Okay. 20 00:01:01,666 --> 00:01:02,916 - Hi. - Hi. 21 00:01:04,083 --> 00:01:05,500 How are you doing? 22 00:01:06,083 --> 00:01:06,875 I’m ok. 23 00:01:06,875 --> 00:01:08,041 Nervous. 24 00:01:08,041 --> 00:01:09,166 A bit anxious. 25 00:01:09,166 --> 00:01:10,833 But I’m good, I’m good. 26 00:01:10,833 --> 00:01:11,916 Ok. 27 00:01:13,500 --> 00:01:17,791 So Louise, we are talking from... 28 00:01:18,291 --> 00:01:19,375 Okay. 29 00:01:20,500 --> 00:01:22,791 Sorry. 30 00:01:23,791 --> 00:01:26,083 So. Louise. 31 00:01:26,083 --> 00:01:30,083 I'm talking to you from your lovely apartment looking out over Dublin. 32 00:01:31,583 --> 00:01:35,166 Louise as you know, I'm talking to you today for 33 00:01:35,166 --> 00:01:39,333 a podcast/audio documentary that 34 00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:42,250 I'm doing as part of a college project. 35 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:50,416 So, it's just kind of about my experience growing up in foster care 36 00:01:50,416 --> 00:01:53,916 and it’ll touch on your life also. 37 00:01:53,916 --> 00:01:55,041 Yeah. 38 00:01:55,041 --> 00:01:56,291 Ok. 39 00:01:58,208 --> 00:02:01,583 So just to go back to the beginning of things. 40 00:02:01,916 --> 00:02:05,791 Can you tell me a bit about your early life growing up in Dublin? 41 00:02:05,791 --> 00:02:08,083 Yeah, well... 42 00:02:08,083 --> 00:02:10,375 I grew up in Ballyfermot 43 00:02:10,375 --> 00:02:14,208 with my Mam and my Dad and my two older sister's. 44 00:02:14,208 --> 00:02:20,291 And when my dad died we moved just down the road, in with my aunt. 45 00:02:20,666 --> 00:02:24,791 My older sisters had moved out by then so it was just me and my mam 46 00:02:24,791 --> 00:02:26,916 and my aunt of course. 47 00:02:27,291 --> 00:02:30,166 And how did your Dad pass away? 48 00:02:30,666 --> 00:02:33,375 He died of bowel cancer. 49 00:02:33,375 --> 00:02:35,166 He was an alcoholic. 50 00:02:35,166 --> 00:02:36,750 They both were. 51 00:02:37,083 --> 00:02:38,583 He and your Mam were? 52 00:02:38,916 --> 00:02:40,833 Him and my Mam yeah. 53 00:02:41,583 --> 00:02:45,333 So, do you remember much about him? 54 00:02:47,083 --> 00:02:48,833 Not much, no. I suppose... 55 00:02:49,583 --> 00:02:52,583 I was only 5 so... 56 00:02:54,500 --> 00:02:57,125 - Not a lot - Yeah 57 00:02:57,125 --> 00:02:59,958 I remember the smell of the house though. 58 00:03:04,875 --> 00:03:07,708 Do you remember me? 59 00:03:11,708 --> 00:03:14,250 I don't know. 60 00:03:18,416 --> 00:03:20,416 You were very young. 61 00:03:21,166 --> 00:03:22,375 Probably not. 62 00:03:22,375 --> 00:03:23,583 Yeah. 63 00:03:25,958 --> 00:03:27,250 So... 64 00:03:29,208 --> 00:03:31,458 Can you tell me a bit about your mother and 65 00:03:31,458 --> 00:03:32,875 what kind of person she was? 66 00:03:32,875 --> 00:03:34,583 Yeah... 67 00:03:35,416 --> 00:03:37,916 Mam was a quiet soul. 68 00:03:39,500 --> 00:03:43,208 She didn’t really drink before she met my Dad, but... 69 00:03:44,083 --> 00:03:47,208 when she married him she was mad for it. 70 00:03:48,500 --> 00:03:51,750 She didn't really cope well when he died. 71 00:03:52,291 --> 00:03:55,625 We could come down the morning and she'd be putting washing out on the line 72 00:03:55,625 --> 00:03:58,375 and taking a straight back in and putting it back out 73 00:03:58,375 --> 00:03:59,875 and taking straight back in. 74 00:03:59,875 --> 00:04:01,875 Like she was on some type of loop. 75 00:04:02,083 --> 00:04:04,708 She was never diagnosed. It was just... 76 00:04:06,083 --> 00:04:10,291 And do you think you inherited your own mental health struggles from her? 77 00:04:10,291 --> 00:04:12,166 Oh for sure. Yeah. 78 00:04:12,500 --> 00:04:15,625 I’d say that's where it probably all begins, isn't it? 79 00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:40,333 And s... 80 00:04:40,708 --> 00:04:42,333 So... 81 00:04:42,750 --> 00:04:45,083 Was it your decision then? 82 00:04:45,083 --> 00:04:47,916 Like, when did foster care become an option? 83 00:04:49,791 --> 00:04:53,791 I suppose the social workers were around the hospital, you know, they were 84 00:04:53,916 --> 00:04:55,000 involved. 85 00:04:56,208 --> 00:04:57,833 I mean 86 00:05:00,583 --> 00:05:02,791 I told myself that you'd have a better life. 87 00:05:03,208 --> 00:05:05,333 And that maybe I'd have one too. 88 00:05:09,916 --> 00:05:12,583 And did you have a better life? 89 00:05:17,041 --> 00:05:18,541 I don’t know. 90 00:05:24,416 --> 00:05:25,958 How do you know? 91 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:32,583 I mean I sorted myself out. 92 00:05:33,375 --> 00:05:36,250 I got an education. 93 00:05:46,208 --> 00:05:48,583 So the name “Sophie”... 94 00:05:48,583 --> 00:05:52,583 Was that was that your name that you picked for me? 95 00:05:52,583 --> 00:05:53,625 Yeah. 96 00:05:54,958 --> 00:05:58,333 And why that name? Why “Sophie”? 97 00:05:59,416 --> 00:06:00,458 It was this... 98 00:06:01,583 --> 00:06:05,625 nurse and she was like this... 99 00:06:06,333 --> 00:06:09,916 light in this really dark time her name was Sophie and... 100 00:06:11,416 --> 00:06:14,625 She was really kind to me. 101 00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:18,458 I liked the name. 102 00:06:19,291 --> 00:06:23,041 But “Cara” is lovely too. 103 00:06:29,208 --> 00:06:32,708 Okay, so I know we... 104 00:06:32,708 --> 00:06:36,375 we actually haven't talked about this at all, but... 105 00:06:37,416 --> 00:06:39,375 I was gonna... I was... 106 00:06:39,375 --> 00:06:44,375 I wanted to know if you could tell me anything about my biological father? 107 00:06:49,500 --> 00:06:51,750 I thought we talked about that. 108 00:06:54,416 --> 00:06:57,791 I couldn't really remember. I can't remember. 109 00:06:57,791 --> 00:07:01,333 Because the first time that we spoke on the phone I was... 110 00:07:03,375 --> 00:07:07,291 Pretty sure that you said that you heard he passed away. 111 00:07:09,291 --> 00:07:11,166 Did I? 112 00:07:13,416 --> 00:07:14,541 Yeah. 113 00:07:15,791 --> 00:07:17,833 I don’t know... 114 00:07:18,583 --> 00:07:21,500 It's such a mess from then. 115 00:07:22,416 --> 00:07:25,083 I don't remember. I'm sorry. 116 00:07:30,208 --> 00:07:33,083 - I mean, it was really messy. - It’s just that if you knew that... 117 00:07:34,083 --> 00:07:38,583 If he died then I would have thought you'd know his name. 118 00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:40,875 I don't. 119 00:07:42,083 --> 00:07:44,208 I can't really remember. I'm sorry. 120 00:07:47,083 --> 00:07:48,791 I'm just looking for a name. 121 00:07:49,583 --> 00:07:51,000 Or anything. 122 00:07:52,291 --> 00:07:53,500 I better go. 123 00:07:54,250 --> 00:07:56,041 - Oh - Just leave it, it's fine. 124 00:07:56,041 --> 00:07:57,291 Ok. 125 00:08:27,791 --> 00:08:31,375 Sorry, I thought he would have slept for longer. 126 00:08:32,291 --> 00:08:35,916 - He’s just not himself today. - It’s fine. 127 00:08:41,583 --> 00:08:44,166 Hey, you gonna say hi? 128 00:08:49,458 --> 00:08:51,125 - I know. - Hey! 129 00:08:51,125 --> 00:08:52,833 Oh. What’s that? 130 00:08:59,083 --> 00:09:01,625 - How are ya? - Look. Who is she? 131 00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:04,083 Here’s your sister? 132 00:09:05,416 --> 00:09:07,791 It’s ok honey. 133 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:09,333 It’s ok. 134 00:09:10,375 --> 00:09:12,333 I know, I know. 135 00:09:12,666 --> 00:09:14,083 I should go. 136 00:09:14,625 --> 00:09:17,291 Oh really? Well you could stay a little while if you want. 137 00:09:17,291 --> 00:09:19,708 No. No, I actually better go. 138 00:09:19,708 --> 00:09:21,208 - Are you sure? - Yeah. 139 00:09:22,083 --> 00:09:23,791 - I do have to go, yeah. - Ok. 140 00:09:25,791 --> 00:09:27,083 Do you want me to give you a hand? 141 00:09:27,083 --> 00:09:28,791 No, you’re fine. You’re fine. 142 00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:39,875 Thank you, by the way for letting me into your home. 143 00:09:48,416 --> 00:09:51,208 So... I’ll see you... 144 00:09:52,500 --> 00:09:54,583 Yeah. 145 00:09:59,541 --> 00:10:01,625 Oh Sophie. 146 00:10:02,333 --> 00:10:04,416 I thought about you every day. 147 00:10:07,291 --> 00:10:10,458 I dreamed about you and I thought about you every day. 148 00:10:24,750 --> 00:10:26,083 - Bye. - Bye.